Legally Blonde

Tired, tired and sore. Tired, sore and hungry. Tired, sore, hungry, cold and frustrated at building work (or lack of it). Also overworked, underpaid, stressing too much about the little things and not nearly enough about the big ones, scared by how close tiredness can push one to the edge of neglect/evil mummydom, despite being aware of all this seemingly impotent to do anything about it.

All this, of course, just thought. What do I actually say?

Fine, thank you really well. How’re you?

It’s amazing how often this blatant lie seems to deflect any real inquiry, but that isn’t something I should be proud of.

Oh, and I keep meaning to reinstate my links list – not tonight though. Maybe later this week.

In a lovely conversation with a friend (after the worst of the flood from the radiator had been dammed) this evening, I was given a real and unexpected lift, perhaps slightly tied in with my “new (Church) year” resolutions. He said he’d had a vision of me not too many years down the line, being well, and involved with teaching, leading, helping, supporting, healing – ministering, almost – but not in any conventional, institutional sense. I’m scared, but also encouraged. Can’t unpack it at the moment, but wanted to mention it, put down a marker to come back to.

B didn’t sleep from 1 – 6.30 this morning, hence both of us tired and grumpy. I was in the shower when the builders arrived. B was late for nursery, and I for work. One of my practitioners was ill, but I could only get in touch with half her patients to head them off before a wasted journey. Welsh Water are switching off the supply from 8 – 4 on thursday – this is inconvenient for most of us but utterly disastrous for (a different) one of my practitioners – his job includes the word “hydrotherapist” – so I had to try to cancel/rearrange another day’s patients. the weird weird smell in the kitchen at work has returned, I couldn’t find matches or a lighter to mask it with incense, so masked it with bleach down the drains and flash everywhere else instead – not the loveliest of aromas to be working with, specially in a place of healing!

On a more positive note – there should be One each day! – I had hot chocolate and a free mince pie with a friend after work, and even managed not to spend too much time on the guilt trip that having grown-up alice time (even 1/2 hr!) (instead of turning straight back into mummy and collecting B on time) usually involves. A conversation that had nothing to do with babies! (but a little to do with sleep, and motherhood, but not specifically mine.)

In BB’s room, I’d deliberately finished the painting before the carpet boys came, so I wouldn’t get paint on the new carpet. The carpet boys wanted to wait til the builder boys had done, so they could fit it round the new rather than previous shape of the room. Logical so far? Because of all this, the builders started off in that room – and have marked, scuffed, plastered over and otherwise wrecked about a third of the new paint. So now I have to clear all the builder stuff out of the room so the carpet boys can get in there tomorrow, and will have to repaint after the new carpet after all. (Very, very, very carefully!)

When I came downstairs after bath and bedtime with the babe, ready to get on with a most organised evening including early food and a lot of productive desk time, the radiator in the one room that’s relatively livable with and therefore needed no building work (yet) had detached itself from the wall and hot water was pouring out onto the floorboards. My friendly punctual helpful productive builders are (obviously and deservedly) on answerphone at that time of night, my “organised” house file proved not to yield any immediate answers and the emergency plumbers in the yellow pages charge upwards of £100 just to tip out on this cold night let alone do anything once they’re here. I switched off the water and heating* and didn’t panic, but though I’m more practical than many lone girlies this is beyond my capabilities.

My productive evening has been slightly less so, starting a c ouple of hours later than intended and being cold cold into the bargain (lots of sympathy with Ramblin’Folkie and British Standard whose heating has been on the blink the last few days). I had cheating microwave food instead of proper cooking and put the emergency spare electric radiator and several more blankets on the babe, who is currently in my bed because the cot collapsed this morning and the destructions for reassembling it are probably, hopefully, in a safe place somewhere, but not one I can remember or find at the moment.

Amazon has chucked me out and deleted me!! I had a nice full basket – friends’ and brothers’ wishlists, a couple of me things I shouldn’t really but since I was there and they’ve free delivery over a certain amount so might as well buy that amount, mightn’t i? – but when I tried buying they didn’t know who I was. It’s so unusual they ask my password ’cause usually remember me, so I asked them to email the reminder, and they said no! Grr. It’s the great out there telling me not to spend so much.

I wish I had the faith of Julian of Norwich – All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well. It SHALL, I tell you! Still, frustrating as it is, I’m okay, which is progress. And still a million times better off than millions of people that don’t have a house at all, let alone a cold one minus a radiator. We have sweaters and blankets aplenty, and are saving on the heating bill!! There’s always a brighter side, it’s a question of remembering to focus on it.

Ok, so in my previous entry I lied – saying too much after all, it kind of helps.

* If my kind babysitting volunteers for tomorrow night happen to be reading – bring extra warm things, I don’t know when I’ll be able to fix this one!

I'm having another One Of Those Days. Probably safer not to say too much!

The Builders started today!!

yes, I’d expected them to, yes they’d said they would, but the previous attempts resulted either in a no-show, no-quote or showed up and quoted then never came back to do the work. so really quite relieved when builders, friendly, smart, punctual, arrived this morning. Slightly less happy when I came home at lunchtime dying for a wee and cuppa to be told they’d switched the water off. And would finish the work in BB’s bedroom “by Wednesday”, because originally they’d said it’d be a one day effort (that little part of it, obviously, not the whole works!) so the carpet boys, who held off til after the builders, have pencilled me in for tomorrow. Oh well. It’ll come together in the end (hopes, optimistically)

Following yesterday’s Decision I spent an hour at the Vicarage this afternoon – a lot of the time spent trying to placate v fractious (teething again) baby but also had time for a good conversation which I hope will sink in and be productive – I tend to have similar issues in the way each time but may today at last have found a way round some of the most stubborn of them. Sorry to sound so cryptic. Not sure I know the words either, a lot of the time. I’ll try to keep you posted!

After some rather grumpy cynical disillusioned posts about church stuff recently I had to report a wonderful Sunday, and an Important Decision…

This morning started off badly, with BB waking at 5.30, feeding and then we went back to sleep til after 8. We usually have to leave just before nine, so it was a mad scramble getting us both up, fed, dressed and out to church on time. Apart from being absolutely shattered, things improved ever since!

Church (my usual church!) this morning went really well. B slept for the first half, so I didn’t have to take him out to crèche, and when he woke up he was in a really good mood, and flirted with people over my shoulder, and giggled, and read ate his book, and i really listened to the readings and sermon, and was asked to take the elements up, and all was good. The only downside was the songs – which, while all familiar, rousing, fine, weren’t (or didn’t seem to me) particularly Adventy. I love Advent hymns. Musically as well as theologically, it’s absolutely one of the best times of the Church year for me. I understand why not, ’cause in the 9.30 (“family”) there are seldom “proper” hymns any more, and I tend not to inflict BabyBlonde on the 11 o’clock (yet), where there would probably have been “my” hymns.

I then crossed the road to the Methodists’ where Ramblin’Folkie, Excited Rainbow Girl and Becky (when will you get a wiblog?!) were leading the service. It was lovely, really focussed on hope and light, and included Proper Advent Hymns!! After church (2 services in one morning is good going these days – I used always to, before last Christmas, but since not being involved any more in choir/music group/reading/intercessing I don’t seem to be so tied to spending all day there!) I had the methodists for lunch (yes, Sarah will laugh and tease me and call me a cannibal, but you (and she) know what I mean), which was lovely. Usually we are two or three, but today we were 6 (7 including BB in the high chair). I was very impressed to see how elastic the new house is in terms of seating people – that’s easily the most we’ve had for a meal here yet. It was almost more communion than communion, with everyone chipping in (I say I did lunch, really I just bossed organised the delegating of it!) and a real feeling that in sitting down and sharing food, friendship and conversation together we were part of a centuries’ old tradition going back to the Acts times. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I was really touched and felt so connected to the important things in life.

After a much-needed flop, reminiscing about family sundays round fires and playing games, and then actually playing a couple of said remembered games, we went for a walk (or rather paddle and slide – the snow started to melt then froze again, and some of the pavements and paths are less used, less clear and still treacherous) to the park (I’d promised BB yesterday, because we were heading to the swings but were sidetracked and had tea with friends, and it was too dark after that, that if it wasn’t raining and was still daylight we’d go today) which, though bitterly cold, was actually just what we needed after such a big lunch! and BB loves the swings! He was in his element, with two Godparents and a friend paying him undivided attention, and bigger children to watch in the rest of the playpark, and giggling fit to burst when he saw mummy on the next door swing. Luckily Michael didn’t have his camera – I’m sure we were all a bit wild, woolly and windswept. This cold really shows in your cheeks!

We had a quieter evening with just the two of us here, playing on his mat and watching Songs of Praise – more wonderful Advent Hymns!! – which was the first time I’d caught it in a long time, because BBC Wales has rugby at the time, and it’s only since having ntl reinstalled that I’ve been able to get “normal” beeb channels here. After relaxed bath and bottle time, I wrapped him up warm and snuggled him into the buggy instead of his cot, and went back to church!! Our church was doing v trad advent carols by candlelight, and would probably have noticed/minded more should the babe have started to create, so we went to a joint service at Kim’s church (URC, Methodist and Baptist), where he woke up and joined in but we felt very welcome anyway.

My Important Decision, which I had nearly reached anyway but was very much crystallized and reinforced by today, is that my New Year resolutions are going with the Liturgical rather than Calendar year. In other words, Today! and having moaned and worried and wept and prayed about how out of touch I’ve been recently, and how bad it is for me when I don’t make the time, I’m making renewed efforts to do so, and after today, feel supported in that. I shall go back to New Daylight or similar, do an advent book, involve God more in the everyday… at least I hope I shall. I know I’ve said this so many times before, but usually in September (academic) or January. Somehow I think this time I might be able to keep to it – with a little help and prayer from friends (that’s you, by the way – thank you1). I started by fixing to have another session with my vicar, tomorrow!, which I’m totally unprepared for but will help me (hopefully) get back on track. I know I’m making it sound like far too much of a chore, which it isn’t, but I do tend to need kicking to keep at the important little things.

This was going to be a quick, upbeat post! best laid plans….

RAmblin’ Folkie had a night off her writing up. BB & I were the lucky recipients of her time! Good to catch up, over good wine. Oh, and good luck to her, Excited and Becky who’re leading worship tomorrow morning.

… is to break half of it on the way to the sink. Not deliberately, honest!! (of course I’m fully aware those who’ve known me 4-5 years will be sceptical of that last. oops.)

http://static.flickr.com/34/67264253_f5d55c72e4_m.jpg

Please can someone teach me the right techie bits to make it look like a neater link?!